my book

i am writing a book, and though i know noone will read this entry, or my book for that matter, i must write this down somewhere,
i cannot think right, i just cannot
my thoughts are jumbled up
my insides hurt, for it is more frightening to write a book than read one,
and to write about abuse in a relationship is very hard for me to do, i have never experienced such a thing, and i believe i will never.
but what if this book causes me to be weary of the ones i love?
what if every time i say something to them i worry they may take offence and take it out on me,
i know i am in love, and i know the one i love would never harm me, even if i asked. but maybe i will worry too much.
this book i am writing, its no good for my brain, just like an actor or actress who gets into character so well, have trouble sleeping at night, like Heath Ledger.

and i wonder how shall i end the book....should he kill himself? should she leave him?
i do believe that the best ending for my readers (dear i say it) is indeed the suicide, but i'm not convinced that that is the best ending for me.
i am afraid that this book may never end, because i'm so busy, and it already affects me greatly, maybe i will stop my pursuits to become a writer and just stick to what i know,
ahh it feels a lot better having this all down, even though i know that no one will be seeing this entry.

poetry

fragments of your mind spilt on the paper

stalked

smiling

jellymoose says:
sometimes its easy to forget how
jellymoose says:
and then some random reminds u
jellymoose says:
its not how to move muscles
jellymoose says:
its moving the heart

the world seems the be falling around u.....
but the thing is
yr just going higher then them

hello........
an explanation right here;

my poetry is quite a private thing to me and well yea,
some of my poems are worth blogging and will be blogged.
a lot of them will not be.
if you want to read all of my poems ask for my book in person.
I'm sorry if i don't give you my book....it just means i don't want you to read them,
your not loosing much (trust me)

um yea........
my poems are 'dark poems' as one has nicely put it,
and i don't want to be an addition to the people who destroy the Internet.
yea....
Have a nice day
xD

oXoX

This moment may eat you up,
But it will vomit all over the place,
And leave you to clean it up.
The smell lingers.

Blanket of warmth,
Blanket of snow,
Whatever you say,
We don't get much anyway

I have your name tattooed on my arm,
And your face carved into my own,
Where it will stay,
Always

SORRY

Sometimes I don't do what i say,
And I'm sorry.
Sometimes I push you away,
And I'm sorry.
Sometimes the truth hurts more,
But I'm not sorry

Swimming in the ocean that surrounds the black of your eye,
I don't even have to try,
Stay alive,
Because in this never ending sea,
You help me,
Stay afloat

"the thing about a crush is,
sometimes you get crushed"

Each poem
Each line
Strengthening
Strengthening the rope,
The rope that binds,
Binds poet and reader.

Warmth from the fire,
Can still burn you

Weave it all together
Just to slowly unpick the pattern

Build up a house
Just to burn its down

Pointlessness

Silence

Silence
Its what holds us
Its what breaks us
Its what brings us together
But splits us apart.
Sometimes it seems to last forever,
and sometimes doesn't even start
Silence,
Its what we wish for everyday
But hate in so many ways
silence,
Like God snatched words from the air,
But still left them hanging there

Tonight,
The stars aren't embarrassed,
They are scared
and hidden away

DESTINATION

Lost inside a destination.
Trying to get there,
But lost
I don't know where
I am going
Don't know what
I am doing.
Trying to remember my goal,
But can't put my finger on it.
I'm lost inside a destination,
trapped inside a destination,
And can't get out

Sun is still on the horizon
Fighting to stay up
But getting dragged down
And you stand watching
Holding your cup
Warming your hands
Still amazed,
Even though it happens everyday,
The sun is there,
And it just seems to fade away,
It still catches your eye,
When it sinks into night

NOT UNDERSTANDING

We pass our lives,
Not understanding,
The meaning of life,
Not understanding.
We walk miles
For small reasons,
Not understanding.
We work so hard,
To get better,
Just to die,
Leaving it all behind,
Still not understanding.
We buy them all gifts,
To earn them,
When we know,
We will lose them,
Not understanding
We continue,
Smiling,
Working,
Living,
Breathing,
And not understanding